A WALK TO REMEMBER

This time I was at my wits ends trying to think about something to write. The deadline was looming ahead and worry was gnawing at me constantly, like a hiccup that just won’t go away. So, just to clear my head, I went out for walk— perhaps I would see something interesting to write about; just like in the movies, when the hero gives up all hope, he accidentally opens the secret passageway.

Desperately, I glanced around, hoping that something at least mildly interesting would happen. I even tried to stare at various people in the hope that something worthwhile would develop; but all I got was a few choice words from an old lady!

Predictably, as it often happens when you don’t watch where you are going, I banged my head on an overhanging branch of a stupid tree and as I was trying to regain my balance I stepped in a huge pile of shit. (Notice that the tree is stupid, not the certain someone who blindly walked right into it.) So there it was- something interesting and funny I could write about. The person behind me couldn’t stop laughing. (I hate him!)

It led me to a very deep philosophical insight- In life, if you don’t watch where you are going; you end up in a pile of shit. Not very original I admit, but it does have real life significance, believe me!

Speaking of philosophies, seeing my ...er… 'pretentious' cynical attitude I was asked to develop a ‘positive mental attitude’ towards life. I’m pretty positive that I’m mental and I’ve got an attitude— problem solved right?? However my reasoning didn’t exactly impress anyone. Hah! Not many people appreciate humour!

Well, anyways, the walk did help- I’ve got the post to prove it! And well it was, all things considered, ‘A walk to remember’ ; although for all the wrong reasons. So keep in mind:

Watch where you keep your feet,
Unless you want to end in a pile of shit!

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My bad….

The first time I heard those words, I couldn’t understand the meaning. It felt as though it was a bit incomplete. I mean its my bad…..?!? its my bad what?? Complete the sentence for god’s sake!

Was it-

Its my bad—

-breath

-manners

-grasp on reality

or perhaps

-habit to talk in incomplete sentences??

I later found out- much to my embarrassment (and to the secret delight of many!) that ‘its my bad’ meant ‘its my mistake’. Suddenly the fool I was pointing my finger at turned out to be my reflection. My worst nightmare had come true! (No, not the one about big scissors and thin necks, the other one)

It’s a terrible thing when you goof up- people get a chance to be condescending. ‘Anybody can make mistakes’ they say. I know- I just thought I wasn’t ‘anybody’! (The pun is of course, unintended!) ‘Anybody’ happened to other people. If only I hadn’t goofed up. However as they say, ‘If wishes were wings, swine would flu!’ ... er… I mean ‘pigs would fly’

So well, I admit, it was my bad!

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What’s in a name?

If you’ve noticed, the title of my blog is quite long, and well… it seems I’ve used the thesaurus a lot; apparently sacrificing the meaning in the quest for bigger words. However, some thought has gone into it, really!!- its not a random choice of words.

I was initially opting for ‘wordsworth-less’; yeah that’s a pun on the poet’s name; also meaning my words are worthless; but somehow it seemed to be a very drawn out pun. So I tried out something else - TOPSY-TURVY VIEW THROUGH A PREJUDICED PRISM


Its meaning is something like this- when light enters a prism, it splits into its components. My prism, being prejudiced, allows only distorted eccentricities to come out. Ok I concede it’s a pretty stretched analogy. But its better than ‘idiotic ramblings of a crazed, deluded and raving lunatic.’ Yeah sure, my title could have been laconic; but it’s a free country right? I can write anything …. Provided of course that it is properly censored, politically correct, eco-friendly, kind to animals, secular….. the list could go on… Freedom of speech is a fine thing- but we can’t go around giving it to anyone can we?? Seriously, think on it- we fight for freedom and then put on heavier shackles, afraid of being really free.

So, well that’s the story behind the name. Anyways, in the words of Shakespeare, ‘what’s in a name??’

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Common sense- A contradiction in terms?

Common sense- why is it called so? Its not common and what is common is definitely not sensible! Think about it- how many people ask you stupid, irrelevant and obvious questions on any given day? Like ‘Did you have a haircut?’ (No I did not. The tooth fairy took it because I threw away my tooth!) or when a lady with quite pointed high heels steps on your toes and seeing your eyes water asks, ‘did that hurt??’


Why does it have to be so? (No I’m not asking a stupid question, I’m just thinking aloud.) It happens many a times that when you don’t have anything to say, you resort to stupid questions like ‘is that a dog over there?’ (What did you expect? A unicorn?)


If you still have any lingering doubts you can always watch a political debate. If the issue is centered on recession, our esteemed leaders will probably have a heated discussion on whose grandfather’s beard was longer. Talk about using your heads!


In conclusion I’d only like to say that unless we start thinking logically, books like ‘7 habits of highly stupid people’ will become bestsellers, and also inspirational books!!

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What’s all the fuss about?

Perhaps this should have been my first post- never mind. I can always claim that it was supposed to be topsy-turvy anyways; and so everything is going as per the script!

First of all, to clarify, this blog is not about recent events or about how my day was- that’s stuff for diaries and newspapers, respectively.(Yes, respectively.) No, this post is about the eccentricities of life- sometimes admittedly from my life (wildly exaggerated at times) but definitely none of that dreary stuff and heaven forbid those dear diary moments! I’ll always try to add a pinch of humour to it- but I’ve been told that my humour is as dry as water is wet; whatever that means.

After not-waiting-in-anticipation for a long time, the day has arrived- college starts again tomorrow. So with all the chaos I probably wont be able to fool around with my not-so-apparent writing skills. So the blog will be updated weekly- every Sunday.

I’ve been told to keep the posts short as the average attention span while reading tends to be around 5 seconds max. So this is it. The buck…er… the post stops here.

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