Superman: Dissecting the legend from a purely logical point of view.

Disclaimer: The following post makes as much sense as the title.

   The ultimate superhero; the guy all other superheroes want to be when they grow up.. that's how we've always seen Superman. However introducing even the tiniest bit of logic collapses the entire flimsy deck of cards.

Costume:

    Consider what Clark Kent has to go through every time danger is around:

·         Find an isolated phone booth

·         Reach the phone booth without alerting anyone

·         Loose the outer suit, shirt, tie, boots.

·         Mess up his hair.

·         Remove his glasses

·         Wear a cape

·         Wear his under garments

·         Wear red colour shoes

·         Hide all his discarded clothes so no one finds it

·         Make sure no one is observing him

·         Then emerge as Superman.

Now think about the various steps that Clark Kent has to go through if he needs to visit the loo...

     Superman does all this and DOESN’T cover up his face. Talk about a major facepalm moment. All he does is- remove his glasses and mess up his hair. That’s all. And his best friends are journalists. Even India TV would have uncovered that... after mentioning in detail what Superman eats for breakfast. 

     All the people need to do to uncover his identity is upload a pic of Superman on Google and click on ‘find similar images’.  Lex Luthor, you listening? Idiot.

Here's what just removing your glasses and messing up your hair looks like in real life:

Strenghts/Weaknesses:

Superman is an alien from the planet Krypton.  So what do you think will be more poisonous to him?

    a. Atmosphere from some other planet. (eg: Earth).

    b. Exposure to rocks from his own planet. (Admittedly radioactive)

    Yeah, option b. Right. Darwin would be turning in his grave.

Super Hearing:

  Superman can well, super hear.  Doesn’t that drive him mad? He has to hear woman gossiping. All over. All the time. Crap.

X-Ray vision:

  Consider how normal X-Rays work. The rays penetrate through skin and are absorbed by the bones.  Detection of skin and bones is only possible because skin allows X-Rays to pass and bones don't.

Superman’s X-Ray vision penetrates through everything (except lead). So how the hell does he know what’s behind that wall? His sight should go on and on and on…. Until it encounters lead. So if you want to escape from his vision, follow a very simple rule: Don’t use lead.. not even a little bit.

Nemesis:

Think about a very rich playboy with absolutely no superpowers and a major attitude problem. He gives the alien with super powers a very hard time with nothing but his wits… no, I’m not talking about Batman, this is Lex Luthor.

You would expect Superman's enemy to be well 'super-powerful' at the very least. All the comics have taught
us that the underdog always wins. So the heavier the odds against a Superhero, the better. Let's have a look at the comparison  between Lex Luther's and Superman's powers:

Superman	Lex Luthor
Super strength	Intelligence
Super hearing	Money
Invulnerability	Wears his undergarments like a normal person
Flight
Superhuman Speed
X-Ray Vision and Heat vision
Power of media (As Clark)

Is Superman stupid or what?

Giving Superman a break, let’s consider other illogical things:

Daily Planet: Don’t you people do a simple medical check up? The things you could discover! Seriously, not even a simple blood test? Or maybe even check his weight?

Lois Lane: Falls for Superman, doesn’t realise co-worker resembles him big time. Talk about investigative journalism! 

Lex Luthor: For someone who prides himself as a genius, this is plain retardness. The guy can build robots with artificial intelligence but can't perform a simple face detection program on superman.. or even a bloody fingerprint scan. He could even do the next logical thing and plant a tracking device on Superman. Sheesh!

If all else fails, while holding a hostage, why not ask Superman to reveal his identity.. or the girl dies. Bloody fool.

Batman: How can you possibly be 'best friends' with such a baboon??

Don’t get me wrong—I am a fan of superman. But unlike daily planet, I will question everything

~~X~~

Any comments? 

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Sorry seems to be... the most repeated word!

It has been a very long time since my last post and I apologize for the delay. I know, I promised to write every Sunday; but well, I didn’t. Some people would say that promises are in fact meant to be broken, but that’s pretty dumb. That’s like saying you are born to die. That is just... stupid. You are born to live, not to die.  Dying is just a part (frequently the last.)  

Talking about stupidity there is just no end to the level of stupidity that can be achieved. You would think that according to the theory of ‘survival-of-the-fittest’ stupidity should have been stamped out, right? But then I suppose the only people who survive the education system not frothing at the mouth and with their brains intact are stupid people. (Because they don’t use their brains, you see?) As one Murphy’s Law goes— ‘The sum of intelligence on the planet is constant; the population is growing.’

Reverting back on the topic [I know, I have this tendency to ramble a bit.  Hey look, I found my earphones!!(See what I mean about rambling?)]. Well, I do apologize for the Sundays during which you hopefully visited my blog, only to find nothing new. This is of course based on the vain hope that people actually read what I write!!

Well, all I can say that I am sorry and I’ll make it a point to update the blog at least once a fortnight.

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My bad….

The first time I heard those words, I couldn’t understand the meaning. It felt as though it was a bit incomplete. I mean its my bad…..?!? its my bad what?? Complete the sentence for god’s sake!

Was it-

Its my bad—

-breath

-manners

-grasp on reality

or perhaps

-habit to talk in incomplete sentences??

I later found out- much to my embarrassment (and to the secret delight of many!) that ‘its my bad’ meant ‘its my mistake’. Suddenly the fool I was pointing my finger at turned out to be my reflection. My worst nightmare had come true! (No, not the one about big scissors and thin necks, the other one)

It’s a terrible thing when you goof up- people get a chance to be condescending. ‘Anybody can make mistakes’ they say. I know- I just thought I wasn’t ‘anybody’! (The pun is of course, unintended!) ‘Anybody’ happened to other people. If only I hadn’t goofed up. However as they say, ‘If wishes were wings, swine would flu!’ ... er… I mean ‘pigs would fly’

So well, I admit, it was my bad!

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Common sense- A contradiction in terms?

Common sense- why is it called so? Its not common and what is common is definitely not sensible! Think about it- how many people ask you stupid, irrelevant and obvious questions on any given day? Like ‘Did you have a haircut?’ (No I did not. The tooth fairy took it because I threw away my tooth!) or when a lady with quite pointed high heels steps on your toes and seeing your eyes water asks, ‘did that hurt??’


Why does it have to be so? (No I’m not asking a stupid question, I’m just thinking aloud.) It happens many a times that when you don’t have anything to say, you resort to stupid questions like ‘is that a dog over there?’ (What did you expect? A unicorn?)


If you still have any lingering doubts you can always watch a political debate. If the issue is centered on recession, our esteemed leaders will probably have a heated discussion on whose grandfather’s beard was longer. Talk about using your heads!


In conclusion I’d only like to say that unless we start thinking logically, books like ‘7 habits of highly stupid people’ will become bestsellers, and also inspirational books!!

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