It has been a very long time since my last post and I apologize for the delay. I know, I promised to write every Sunday; but well, I didn’t. Some people would say that promises are in fact meant to be broken, but that’s pretty dumb. That’s like saying you are born to die. That is just... stupid. You are born to live, not to die. Dying is just a part (frequently the last.)
Talking about stupidity there is just no end to the level of stupidity that can be achieved. You would think that according to the theory of ‘survival-of-the-fittest’ stupidity should have been stamped out, right? But then I suppose the only people who survive the education system not frothing at the mouth and with their brains intact are stupid people. (Because they don’t use their brains, you see?) As one Murphy’s Law goes— ‘The sum of intelligence on the planet is constant; the population is growing.’
Reverting back on the topic [I know, I have this tendency to ramble a bit. Hey look, I found my earphones!!(See what I mean about rambling?)]. Well, I do apologize for the Sundays during which you hopefully visited my blog, only to find nothing new. This is of course based on the vain hope that people actually read what I write!!
Well, all I can say that I am sorry and I’ll make it a point to update the blog at least once a fortnight.
6.Don't use a run-on sentence you got to punctuate it.
7.About sentence fragments.
8.In letters themes reports articles and stuff like that we use commas to
keep strings apart.
9.Don't use, commas, which aren't necessary.
10.Its important to use apostrophe's right.
11.Don't abbrev.
12.Check to see if you any words out.
13.In my opinion I think that the author when he is writing should not get into the habit of making use of too many unnecessary words which he does not really need i mean whats the use of writing too many unnecessary words which anyways nobody's going to read.
14.Then, of course, there's that old one: Never use a preposition to end a sentence with.
15.The sentences grammatically correct should be.
16.In my reckoning, the author ought to abstain from, circumvent, refrain from and avert using redundant words. That is, saying the same thing over and over again is to be avoided.
17.I repeat, redundancy should be avoided at all costs
18.Last but not least, avoid cliches like the plague.
When all you have is a hammer, every problem looks like a nail!
In this bizarre world, chaos rules the roost. We hardly, if ever see the whole picture. Every day we are bombarded with clichés and stereotypes and our mind is conditioned accordingly. Ever seen a villain without his personal brand of maniacal laughter? Or seen a bomb which was not stopped with only a second left till detonation??
Sometimes we try to fit the problem in our prejudiced views— like trying to drive a square peg in a circular hole. We see the carrot held up in front of our eyes, not the fact that this essentially implies we are the donkey.
Human beings, by nature, are inclined to trust the bad news rather than good news . For example if a person tells you that you have won a lottery of a petty sum- say Rs.100 you ask “what’s the catch?” or maybe “do you think I’m a fool?” But if the same person tells you that your house was on fire, you will probably go running there as though…well… your house was on fire!
But still, there is hope, hope for a better day; after all we do get up on Monday mornings, don’t we?
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On an unrelated topic last time’s post was a bit... well... different. Maybe I should have just said ‘click on kill-the-author’ this would have helped save time all around. Anyways, last two posts were in the 3rd person and I would appreciate any comments regarding it (preferably praising it..... :D)
The skies were dark, filled with melancholy clouds which battered rain the likes of which had never been seen. A lone shadow illuminated by brief sparks of lightning stood guard on the cliff.
Suddenly, the sky was lit up by a brilliant display of light and now two figures- George and John Hardly could be seen encircling the lone figure.
“Hey! That’s too dramatic” said Colin who was hearing the story written by his friend Arthur. “Why does it have to begin with a storm?? And please tell me that there is no magic involved.”
“Of course not” said Arthur, trying to hide the book. “Do you take me for a fool??”
“Well.... yeah! You sound like an amateur author, Arthur; as though you have read a lot of fantasy novels and think that you can also write” criticized Arthur. “And your characters: George and John hardly—hardly what???”
“That’s their name, you idiot!”
“Oh! So people call them hardly boys??” sniggered Colin.
“Hey! Stop criticizing everything. Can’t you tell me something good about it??” asked Arthur indignantly.
“Oh yes I can— it was thankfully very short.”
“You are an insensitive, lying, shameless, cruel, lying sarcastic jerk! Oh, and did I mention lying?” said Arthur, who had never taken criticism sportingly.
“Well, I suppose it was better than the last one- it was about talking lizards right?”
“Those were lizardmen from a distant planet, coming to destroy earth” sputtered Arthur, turning red with suppressed anger.
“Yeah... whatever”
~~~~~XX~~~~
This was supposed to be something else entirely and the ...er..... story was supposed to make some kind of sense. But somehow, somewhere down the line, everything went awry. The idea was dumb and insensible not fully developed so please forgive me this time!!
The characters involved in the following conversation are Jack and Jill. (Who else did you expect after seeing the title?) Any resemblance with any person living, dead or any stage in between is unintentional.
This is what happened after Jack and Jill, involved in the making of the original rhyme, got up from their fall.
Jack, disoriented after his long downward journey, tried to restore some order in the muddy situation. A budding actor, Jack knew how to react after a perceived head injury. There was the ‘Main kaun hoon?’ (Who am I?) stage followed by the ‘Main kahan hoon?’ (Where am I?) phase. However, seeing the murderous look in Jill’s eyes, Jack’s survival instincts surfaced and he said, meekly, “I’m sorry!”
“You’d better be. Sorry is all that you can say” said Jill.
“When you say that the only thing I can say – ”
“I mean another word out of you, and even a rat with a terminal toothache will pity you!”
“I did not sign up for this” muttered Jack. “This was supposed to be a routine job with easy money. The only hard work involved was fetching a pail of water. This was supposed to be a no risk job.”
“I know” sighed Jill “It was supposed to be easy- just climbing the hill is hardly an uphill task. You wouldn’t think those little kids with runny noses would enjoy violence, would you? And a little professionalism from you wouldn’t have hurt—who trips over his own feet??”
“Hey! Don’t give me that look. And anyways how was water supposed to be 'up the hill'? You would think water would flow down, right? How can it accumulate at the top?”
“That’s creative freedom for you” said the knowledgeable Jill.
“Can we sue them, for making us fall??” Jill added after a moments thought.
Jack pondered over this. He had made news in the infamous ‘Jack the bean stalker’*
case. The ecological committee was suing him for cutting down the huge beanstalk that led to the giant’s house as it was very rare plant. The giant was also pressing charges of breaking and entering, assault and 3 counts of racism. ‘I was targeted because I am a giant’ said the man-eating giant.
“No” concluded Jack “It won’t work. They will only set up a 3 member committee which will just be able to prove, after great deliberations, that there in fact, existed the said hill.”
“Then I suppose there really isn’t much we can do, right?” said Jill mulling over the unfairness of the whole situation.
“Yeah, perhaps we should just go home.”
Brooding on their unfortunate fall, the two left the set, (Jack is an actor, remember?) thinking about children and rocks— often in the same sentence.
~~~X~~~
On a totally unrelated incident, a few days later the entire set was destroyed in the night by a couple of people shouting slogans like—
Creating a rhyme,
Is committing a crime!
*Jack’s version of the story, where he portrays himself as the hero is the more popular one an account of aggressive publicity by his lawyers. It can be found here-
This time I was at my wits ends trying to think about something to write. The deadline was looming ahead and worry was gnawing at me constantly, like a hiccup that just won’t go away. So, just to clear my head, I went out for walk— perhaps I would see something interesting to write about; just like in the movies, when the hero gives up all hope, he accidentally opens the secret passageway.
Desperately, I glanced around, hoping that something at least mildly interesting would happen. I even tried to stare at various people in the hope that something worthwhile would develop; but all I got was a few choice words from an old lady!
Predictably, as it often happens when you don’t watch where you are going, I banged my head on an overhanging branch of a stupid tree and as I was trying to regain my balance I stepped in a huge pile of shit. (Notice that the tree is stupid, not the certain someone who blindly walked right into it.) So there it was- something interesting and funny I could write about. The person behind me couldn’t stop laughing. (I hate him!)
It led me to a very deep philosophical insight- In life, if you don’t watch where you are going; you end up in a pile of shit. Not very original I admit, but it does have real life significance, believe me!
Speaking of philosophies, seeing my ...er… 'pretentious' cynical attitude I was asked to develop a ‘positive mental attitude’ towards life. I’m pretty positive that I’m mental and I’ve got an attitude— problem solved right?? However my reasoning didn’t exactly impress anyone. Hah! Not many people appreciate humour!
Well, anyways, the walk did help- I’ve got the post to prove it! And well it was, all things considered, ‘A walk to remember’ ; although for all the wrong reasons. So keep in mind:
Watch where you keep your feet,
Unless you want to end in a pile of shit!
The first time I heard those words, I couldn’t understand the meaning. It felt as though it was a bit incomplete. I mean its my bad…..?!? its my bad what?? Complete the sentence for god’s sake!
Was it-
Its my bad—
-breath
-manners
-grasp on reality
or perhaps
-habit to talk in incomplete sentences??
I later found out- much to my embarrassment (and to the secret delight of many!) that ‘its my bad’ meant ‘its my mistake’. Suddenly the fool I was pointing my finger at turned out to be my reflection. My worst nightmare had come true! (No, not the one about big scissors and thin necks, the other one)
It’s a terrible thing when you goof up- people get a chance to be condescending. ‘Anybody can make mistakes’ they say. I know- I just thought I wasn’t ‘anybody’! (The pun is of course, unintended!) ‘Anybody’ happened to other people. If only I hadn’t goofed up. However as they say, ‘If wishes were wings, swine would flu!’ ... er… I mean ‘pigs would fly’
If you’ve noticed, the title of my blog is quite long, and well… it seems I’ve used the thesaurus a lot; apparently sacrificing the meaning in the quest for bigger words. However, some thought has gone into it, really!!- its not a random choice of words.
I was initially opting for ‘wordsworth-less’; yeah that’s a pun on the poet’s name; also meaning my words are worthless; but somehow it seemed to be a very drawn out pun. So I tried out something else - TOPSY-TURVY VIEW THROUGH A PREJUDICED PRISM
Its meaning is something like this- when light enters a prism, it splits into its components. My prism, being prejudiced, allows only distorted eccentricities to come out. Ok I concede it’s a pretty stretched analogy. But its better than ‘idiotic ramblings of a crazed, deluded and raving lunatic.’ Yeah sure, my title could have been laconic; but it’s a free country right? I can write anything …. Provided of course that it is properly censored, politically correct, eco-friendly, kind to animals, secular….. the list could go on… Freedom of speech is a fine thing- but we can’t go around giving it to anyone can we?? Seriously, think on it- we fight for freedom and then put on heavier shackles, afraid of being really free.
So, well that’s the story behind the name. Anyways, in the words of Shakespeare, ‘what’s in a name??’
Common sense- why is it called so? Its not common and what is common is definitely not sensible! Think about it- how many people ask you stupid, irrelevant and obvious questions on any given day? Like ‘Did you have a haircut?’ (No I did not. The tooth fairy took it because I threw away my tooth!) or when a lady with quite pointed high heels steps on your toes and seeing your eyes water asks, ‘did that hurt??’
Why does it have to be so? (No I’m not asking a stupid question, I’m just thinking aloud.) It happens many a times that when you don’t have anything to say, you resort to stupid questions like ‘is that a dog over there?’ (What did you expect? A unicorn?)
If you still have any lingering doubts you can always watch a political debate. If the issue is centered on recession, our esteemed leaders will probably have a heated discussion on whose grandfather’s beard was longer. Talk about using your heads!
In conclusion I’d only like to say that unless we start thinking logically, books like ‘7 habits of highly stupid people’ will become bestsellers, and also inspirational books!!
Perhaps this should have been my first post- never mind. I can always claim that it was supposed to be topsy-turvy anyways; and so everything is going as per the script!
First of all, to clarify, this blog is not about recent events or about how my day was- that’s stuff for diaries and newspapers, respectively.(Yes, respectively.) No, this post is about the eccentricities of life- sometimes admittedly from my life (wildly exaggerated at times) but definitely none of that dreary stuff and heaven forbid those dear diary moments! I’ll always try to add a pinch of humour to it- but I’ve been told that my humour is as dry as water is wet; whatever that means.
After not-waiting-in-anticipation for a long time, the day has arrived- college starts again tomorrow. So with all the chaos I probably wont be able to fool around with my not-so-apparent writing skills. So the blog will be updated weekly- every Sunday.
I’ve been told to keep the posts short as the average attention span while reading tends to be around 5 seconds max. So this is it. The buck…er… the post stops here.
Ever wondered how simple sentences, through persistent repetition turn into clichéd sayings or even proverbs, developing an entirely new range of meanings. I mean think about it, ‘Every coin has two sides.’ Hardly sensational! But now the sides mean right and wrong. And yeah, ‘Old isgold.’ In that case I’m practically a billionaire. Watch out, Mr. Gates!! I’ve got practically ancient dust behind my cupboard; the dust is so old it must have evolved by now and is probably planning world domination.(I saw it gathering more dust!)
Of course if you don’t agree with a particular saying there’s always an opposite one to save the day. Let me give you an example: ‘Birds of feather flock together’ and if that doesn’t suit your purpose there’s always ‘Opposites attract.’ And the quotes don’t always have to make sense but may just be funny sounds – ‘Tit for tat.’ Does it really mean what we think it does? Or was it something else entirely, like stone-age men trading funny sounding, well…. stones? And well, we can always thank out teachers for those clichéd expression. I mean ‘It is what it is??’ Yeah thanks ma’am. That really solves my doubt. Why the heck couldn’t I think of it myself??
Certainly, in some cases quotes are invaluable. (For example the first line of my first post!) Jokes aside, you sometimes really need those sayings. For example in a speech, or in essays, where eloquence is of paramount importance, those little quotes do make a lasting impression. They also make you come across as well-read, provided that the quote is not out of context. You can’t really say ‘Where there’s life there’s hope’ at a funeral and hope to get away with it!
Don’t get me wrong, I like to use phrases as much as the next person; I just can’t help but think that most of them are a pile of rubbish, except of course Murphy’s laws! For the uninitiated, Murphy’s laws are a collection of random pessimistic thoughts with a pinch of humour, not necessarily coined by Murphy. The oft quoted one being, ‘If anything can go wrong, it will.’ One of my personal favourites is ‘Smile, tomorrow will be worse.’ Yes, the situation you are in now is a piece of cake. Never mind that you cannot find a place to hide that body- tomorrow will be worse!!
Yes, I know I’ve mostly talked about the negative aspects of phrases and my views may be a bit prejudiced. Well, look at the title of my blog. What did you really expect to find eh? Poems about daffodils?? Or perhaps about a rainy day on a cloudless night? I know the last line doesn’t really make sense; so sue me!
Anyways, I think that’s about enough for today. I haven’t really said all that I wanted to… but well, there’s always the next post! Stay hanged ????…. on my page!
They say a journey of thousand miles begins with a single step. How true! And well… pretty obvious, isn’t it? So here I am writing my first blog, just putting my random thoughts into words. Read on…
After contemplating on it for a long time I finally decided to create my blog. I mean how hard could it really be? I had already survived orkut and facebook- the new version that is. I was ready for anything, ready to face the next er... dangerous mission…. I couldn’t be more wrong. Actually I could… but let’s not get into the literal meaning of things, it rather spoils the dramatic appeal!
It all started when a couple of my friends asked the address of my blog and when I said I didn’t have one, I was treated like a social outcast- as though stone age man was better connected than me, and probably had a better ‘surfing’ speed. Don’t get me wrong, I love my computer… it’s just the thought of writing new stuff time and again- that’s the issue; the stress being on new. I mean I already had the so called writer’s-block without even picking up my pen… or in this case powering up my PC. (Some people would call it a lack of ideas…. I wouldn’t!!)
Just to get the feel of it I visited quite a few blogs and I won’t say that I was not tempted to plagiarize a bit … but then I thought such blatant rip-offs were better left to bollywood- whose name incidentally proves my point! I tried out the help and FAQs section of a few websites and frankly I had more doubts than I started out with. ‘help?!?’ were they giving it or asking for it? I’m rooting for the latter! Every FAQ had another link which had to be cross-referenced with yet another link for the original link to make sense. It was as though the ‘help’ (the quotes are not a typo) section was specifically designed by people who got their kicks from befuddling and hopelessly confusing people.So finally I decided on blogger since I already had a gmail account which proved to be quite a blessing as I didn’t have to think of any more stupid usernames which would be available. Why can’t I use my own name? It has served me well up to now. Having the same name should be made illegal- for the other person that is!
Anyways, it seems I have written quite a lot without actually putting anything of real value. Is that what blogging is all about? In that case its pretty easy!
Please do leave your comments… I wont bite-probably! It is my first post so do forgive my… er.. lets call it ramblings forwant of a better word . Stay tuned- more to follow!!
