HOW TO: USE SARCASM

Part 1

     Well, the title is self-explanatory. This post will help you understand sarcasm and also, well, use it. Duh!

Step 1

Understanding sarcasm.

Q) Do you know what sarcasm is?

a) Yes                                    b)No                                      c)No  (sarcastically)

  If you answer is (a), Go to step 2. If its ‘no’, don’t worry. Here’s what you should do:

As your answer is no, pick one of the following alternatives:

Alternative A:

Step 1.1:  Find a wall

Step 1.2: Hold your head

Step 1.3:  Bang it against the wall

Step 1.4:  Repeat steps 1.2 and 1.3

Step 1.5:  If wall breaks, repeat procedure from step 1.1

Since you don’t know what sarcasm is, you probably had difficulty comprehending the above procedure. Hence, I’ve added illustrated diagrams.

Alternative B:

Gauging from you level of IQ, you are in any case going to just see the diagrams; therefore, I explained this alternative diagrammatically. Happy to help! (For advanced users, the previous sentence was sarcastic.)

If you answer was (c) NO (sarcastically), you should be shot dead. This is because you probably think you have the ‘awesomest’ sense of humour! Although the truth is, you can’t even make a hyena high on laughing gas, well, laugh! Even a mentally retarded 4 year old with speech impediment can crack better jokes than you. Did I hurt you feelings? No? Damn! I’ll try harder next time.

Step 2: Understanding difference between sarcasm and normal speech

 Now assuming you are still alive after the completion of step 1, the next step is recognizing sarcasm.

So, from the above example it is clear that understanding the difference between sarcasm and normal speech is potentially life saving. For all the geniuses who didn’t get it, only the last sentence in the comic was sarcastic.

Step 3: Being sarcastic

  This is a simple 2 step process

  Step 3.1: Think about what you want to say

  Step 3.2: Say the exact opposite!

  For advanced users:

  Step3.3: Exaggerate!

Example:

For beginners:

 Hey man! Cool shirt. Does not make you look stupid. At all!

For advanced users:

Hey man! Cool shirt. Does not make you look like a mentally unstable baboon with boundary issues . True story!

~~~~END OF PART 1~~~

Stay tuned part 2 will be coming soon. For regular updates on when to expect the next post do join the fb page (the link is in the upper right corner of the blog).

 

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