Superman: Dissecting the legend from a purely logical point of view.

Disclaimer: The following post makes as much sense as the title.

   The ultimate superhero; the guy all other superheroes want to be when they grow up.. that's how we've always seen Superman. However introducing even the tiniest bit of logic collapses the entire flimsy deck of cards.

Costume:

    Consider what Clark Kent has to go through every time danger is around:

·         Find an isolated phone booth

·         Reach the phone booth without alerting anyone

·         Loose the outer suit, shirt, tie, boots.

·         Mess up his hair.

·         Remove his glasses

·         Wear a cape

·         Wear his under garments

·         Wear red colour shoes

·         Hide all his discarded clothes so no one finds it

·         Make sure no one is observing him

·         Then emerge as Superman.

Now think about the various steps that Clark Kent has to go through if he needs to visit the loo...

     Superman does all this and DOESN’T cover up his face. Talk about a major facepalm moment. All he does is- remove his glasses and mess up his hair. That’s all. And his best friends are journalists. Even India TV would have uncovered that... after mentioning in detail what Superman eats for breakfast. 

     All the people need to do to uncover his identity is upload a pic of Superman on Google and click on ‘find similar images’.  Lex Luthor, you listening? Idiot.

Here's what just removing your glasses and messing up your hair looks like in real life:

Strenghts/Weaknesses:

Superman is an alien from the planet Krypton.  So what do you think will be more poisonous to him?

    a. Atmosphere from some other planet. (eg: Earth).

    b. Exposure to rocks from his own planet. (Admittedly radioactive)

    Yeah, option b. Right. Darwin would be turning in his grave.

Super Hearing:

  Superman can well, super hear.  Doesn’t that drive him mad? He has to hear woman gossiping. All over. All the time. Crap.

X-Ray vision:

  Consider how normal X-Rays work. The rays penetrate through skin and are absorbed by the bones.  Detection of skin and bones is only possible because skin allows X-Rays to pass and bones don't.

Superman’s X-Ray vision penetrates through everything (except lead). So how the hell does he know what’s behind that wall? His sight should go on and on and on…. Until it encounters lead. So if you want to escape from his vision, follow a very simple rule: Don’t use lead.. not even a little bit.

Nemesis:

Think about a very rich playboy with absolutely no superpowers and a major attitude problem. He gives the alien with super powers a very hard time with nothing but his wits… no, I’m not talking about Batman, this is Lex Luthor.

You would expect Superman's enemy to be well 'super-powerful' at the very least. All the comics have taught
us that the underdog always wins. So the heavier the odds against a Superhero, the better. Let's have a look at the comparison  between Lex Luther's and Superman's powers:

Superman	Lex Luthor
Super strength	Intelligence
Super hearing	Money
Invulnerability	Wears his undergarments like a normal person
Flight
Superhuman Speed
X-Ray Vision and Heat vision
Power of media (As Clark)

Is Superman stupid or what?

Giving Superman a break, let’s consider other illogical things:

Daily Planet: Don’t you people do a simple medical check up? The things you could discover! Seriously, not even a simple blood test? Or maybe even check his weight?

Lois Lane: Falls for Superman, doesn’t realise co-worker resembles him big time. Talk about investigative journalism! 

Lex Luthor: For someone who prides himself as a genius, this is plain retardness. The guy can build robots with artificial intelligence but can't perform a simple face detection program on superman.. or even a bloody fingerprint scan. He could even do the next logical thing and plant a tracking device on Superman. Sheesh!

If all else fails, while holding a hostage, why not ask Superman to reveal his identity.. or the girl dies. Bloody fool.

Batman: How can you possibly be 'best friends' with such a baboon??

Don’t get me wrong—I am a fan of superman. But unlike daily planet, I will question everything

~~X~~

Any comments? 

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Thats ‘ma’ perpective!

Well, this post is nothing but a rant. So if you were expecting  poetic verses or literary gems, you are looking at the wrong place; and anyway, if you were looking for such things in a blog entitled ‘Fool’s Wisdom’, you need help.

This post is about those people who use ‘ma’ instead of using the more common ‘my’ eg: that’s ma pen; thats ma friend.. etc. For a variety of reasons, this just annoys the hell out of me. I mean why, why not use the word ‘my’?? Is it so difficult? I’m not just ranting for the sake of it... here are logical reasons why using ‘ma’ makes absolutely no sense

1. Length.      

     The most common reason of using slangs is to cut down the length of letters being typed. Eg: ur, brb, btw etc. This is aobviously very useful where there is a constraint on the length.. or you know, if you are basically too lazy. But ‘ma’ = 2 letters. ‘my’ = 2 letters. So why use ‘ma’???

2.  Ease of access:

    Another possible reason could be the ease of access. Unfortunately, even that is not the case. Seriously, just glance at your keyboard

It is clear from the above figure that typing ‘my’ is far easier that typing ‘ma’; especially if you use a single finger for typing.

3. Sounding hip/cool:

           Believe me, you don’t. Saying ‘ma’ does in no way make you cooler. Neither does it make you sound hip. It does make you sound like a... well like another body part that rhymes with sick. Oh, and in case you think- ‘Hey, butt all da amerikaans yuse it.’ A simple internet search will reveal that the only internet slang associated with ‘ma’ is 'Mom Alert'. Using ‘ma’ instead of ‘my’ basically makes as much sense as the lyrics of the super-awesome song Friday.

Whenever someone uses 'ma' in a sentence, I get all kinds of weird imagery, like:

That’s ma friend = mom’s friend—aunty

That’s ma den = that maddens me

Teri ma key = fine I got a bit carried away there. But you get the drift.

Seriously, if this habit is not curbed in time, it may lead to all kinds of potentially embarassing scenarios like:

                                        ^the malady pun was intended, of course.

~~X~~

I agree, this is not one of my best works. But the ‘ma’ word annoyed the crap outta me. DO stay tuned; there are better posts on the way. (Not a very difficult thing to achieve, I know). In case you are wondering where the part 2 of ‘How to use sarcasm’ is, here’s a ragecomic to inform you what happened:

 ~~X~~

I'm kidding.. the second part is in the pipeline. Expect it sometime soon!

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