HOW TO: USE SARCASM

Part 1

     Well, the title is self-explanatory. This post will help you understand sarcasm and also, well, use it. Duh!

Step 1

Understanding sarcasm.

Q) Do you know what sarcasm is?

a) Yes                                    b)No                                      c)No  (sarcastically)

  If you answer is (a), Go to step 2. If its ‘no’, don’t worry. Here’s what you should do:

As your answer is no, pick one of the following alternatives:

Alternative A:

Step 1.1:  Find a wall

Step 1.2: Hold your head

Step 1.3:  Bang it against the wall

Step 1.4:  Repeat steps 1.2 and 1.3

Step 1.5:  If wall breaks, repeat procedure from step 1.1

Since you don’t know what sarcasm is, you probably had difficulty comprehending the above procedure. Hence, I’ve added illustrated diagrams.

Alternative B:

Gauging from you level of IQ, you are in any case going to just see the diagrams; therefore, I explained this alternative diagrammatically. Happy to help! (For advanced users, the previous sentence was sarcastic.)

If you answer was (c) NO (sarcastically), you should be shot dead. This is because you probably think you have the ‘awesomest’ sense of humour! Although the truth is, you can’t even make a hyena high on laughing gas, well, laugh! Even a mentally retarded 4 year old with speech impediment can crack better jokes than you. Did I hurt you feelings? No? Damn! I’ll try harder next time.

Step 2: Understanding difference between sarcasm and normal speech

 Now assuming you are still alive after the completion of step 1, the next step is recognizing sarcasm.

So, from the above example it is clear that understanding the difference between sarcasm and normal speech is potentially life saving. For all the geniuses who didn’t get it, only the last sentence in the comic was sarcastic.

Step 3: Being sarcastic

  This is a simple 2 step process

  Step 3.1: Think about what you want to say

  Step 3.2: Say the exact opposite!

  For advanced users:

  Step3.3: Exaggerate!

Example:

For beginners:

 Hey man! Cool shirt. Does not make you look stupid. At all!

For advanced users:

Hey man! Cool shirt. Does not make you look like a mentally unstable baboon with boundary issues . True story!

~~~~END OF PART 1~~~

Stay tuned part 2 will be coming soon. For regular updates on when to expect the next post do join the fb page (the link is in the upper right corner of the blog).

 

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I'm back!

 

Well, yes, I agree with you. This was one of the worst posts ever.

Dont worry, the next post will be better. Obviously anything will

be better than this piece of crap!

This time I experimented with putting an animated image in my post. And let me

tell you, inserting an animated object is way more difficult than it looks! Do let

me know if the animation adds another dimension of stupidity to my already dumb post!

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IN A MANNER OF SPEAKING

Jack: Hey Ashwin! Glad to see you on fb. Where are you these days?

Ashwin: I am feeling very amicable, thanking you. I am no longer live in Mumbai, shifted to Rajasthan quiet a long time ago.

Jack: Long time no sea then?? Hahaha!

 

Ashwin: Huh? What do you mean?

Jack: I mean you now live in a desert and…. Never mind.

Ashwin: That was an abominable joke. No wonder it leads to altercations between us. You are aberrant and everybody abhors you!

Jack: Seriously dude, did you swallow a dictionary? Can’t you just say you hate my jokes, like normal people would? Why complicate things? You writing law or something?

Ashwin: No! I has been studying for GRE. I has just finished the ‘a’ words.

Jack: Lemme guess. You are an engineer and you haven’t yet started studying grammar.

Ashwin: Both true. How you knowed that?

Jack: Engineer coz you know how all individual parts work, but have no idea how the actual thing works. And grammar because… let’s call it a lucky guess!

Ashwin: I recently started a blog to improve my vocab by righting.

Jack: er..well… good luck with your righting, Is it sarcastic? Witty?

Ashwin: Sarcastic? Whats that? Starts with an ‘s’….

Jack: Sarcastic means saying one thing and meaning something else.

Ashwin: Huh? Why? Is it used by confused people? Anyway, the name of my blog is ‘Arcane anecdotes from antediluvian annals of anthropoids.’ Here’s the link:

Jack: What??!! That literally translates to ancient and mysterious stories of mankind. In other words, you are writing about fairy tales? No self-respecting blogger would EVER write about fairy tales.

Aswin: Shut up you… you…. Abysmal fool. I will go down in the annals of history as the bestest blogger ever!

Jack: You sure you didn’t use an extra ‘n’ there?

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Jack: You there?

Ashwin is offline. Do you want to send this as a message?

~~x~~

This is the first time I experimented with a complete dialogue with no introduction. So plz do leave your comments and feedback.

Btw, all the ‘a’ words used above are actually in the GRE wordlist. And finally, of course the title was selected for a reason!

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